Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
