my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize