I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
