I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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