i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
