how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize