In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Small penises have feelings too.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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