You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
