Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
