I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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