chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
