i permit you to call me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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