Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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