I wish life had little blips of pornography
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize