The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he thought i was a dude.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
