my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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