I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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