Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
