farters have to be the big spoon...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
