don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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