I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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