yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I take back everything I said about communal showers
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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