Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
