She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize