I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
