Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
