i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Im part way to drunk.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
