I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Randomize
