I am puke
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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