dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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