I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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