so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize