Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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