my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my being single is dangerous.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
