How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
