I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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