Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
