Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize