I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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