i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize