Is it because I queefed?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
