Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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