just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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