Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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