Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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