Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
