why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
