Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize