I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's official drugs can't kill me
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
