Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
