she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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