Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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