Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
