no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
