i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
