Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
