i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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