I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
