are you so shy because you have an std?
I could make wine with my vomit
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
