we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
