next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
