ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is glitter all over my balls
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
