Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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