I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
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