Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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