She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize