there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
