I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
