Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
