you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
